Giving Up

One of America’s dearest values is “Never give up.”

But I have decided that in order to simplify my life, remain sane and maintain my physical and mental health, I must give up some of the things I took on last year.

Last year, I was unemployed. I maintained this blog and a volunteer position. Now, I’m working again, plus I’ve returned to school. Add in all the things that life in general requires, and I’m pretty busy. I have to give up something. So I asked myself--what do I absolutely have to do? And with the time left over, what do I want to do?

Can I give up cleaning, mowing the lawn, grocery shopping? Do I want to give up spending time with friends and family (in person!), reading, or going to a movie every now and then? This blog did not make it onto either list. So, away it goes. (My volunteer position had to go, too.)

I may return here from time to time, or begin regular postings again in the future, or reinvent this blog altogether some other year. But for now, I’m giving up.

Thanks for reading and posting comments!

Crimes at the Theater

The end of theater season is here, and I’m kind of glad. I have season tickets to my local professional theater company and in general, I love going to the theater. It’s the other theater-goers I’m sick of.

Actually, there are plenty of nice, intelligent people at the theater. But it only takes one person committing a theater crime to spoil the whole experience.

The unforgivable crimes

Snacking. Just last week, I sat next to a couple who must have mistaken live theater for a movie theater. They secreted a baggie of snacks out from its hiding place as soon as the lights went down. The distraction of their arms repeatedly moving up and down from the bag to their mouths and the annoying, incessant rustling, crunching and salivating was maddening. They ate during the whole play. If I ate that much, I’d weigh 700 pounds. Besides that, there is no food allowed in the theater.

Talking. I don’t need a running commentary. I’m there, watching the same thing you are. If you have to repeat the dialogue for a friend, have your friend get one of those hearing devices the theater loans out for free. Also, please don’t predict the ending aloud. If I haven’t figured it out already, I’ll be deprived of the surprise, and if I have, I’ll just think you’re slow.

Checking your cell phone. If you’d rather be on social media than watching the play, go forth and Tweet somewhere else.

Seat-kicking. If I wanted to be violently thrown forward with a thump aimed in the middle of my back, I’d—well, I don’t know where else I can get this displeasure.

The forgivable crimes

Overreacting. “Gasp!” “Oh!” “Awwwww!” Sometimes, this one amuses me.

Coughing and sneezing. It happens. But if it develops into a fit, take it outside.

Fidgeting. I know, any seat can get uncomfortable by the third act of Henry V. But try not to commit the seat-kicking crime.

Excuse Me—Your Modifier Is Dangling

The disclaimer: I’m claiming to have heard these examples of dangling modifiers in the real world. The truth is I heard or read the dangling modifiers and the pronouns that followed, but my brain blew up with the ungrammaticality of it all and I missed the rest of the sentences. So I’ve had to make up half-sentences here.

A common error in speaking and writing is the dangling modifier. I found or heard these examples in the real world:

“After recovering from surgery, her parents started a nonprofit to raise money for cancer research.”

“As a loyal customer, we want to inform you that you will receive a credit on your bill.”

The problem in these sentences is that the initial phrase is modifying the subject, which appears right after the phrase. But it shouldn’t—that wasn’t the intent.

In the first example, the sentence states that the parents had surgery, and then started a nonprofit. What the speaker was really trying to say is that the parents’ daughter had surgery and this event led the parents to start a nonprofit organization. If the speaker really wants to keep the phrase “After recovering from surgery,” he should begin the next part with “the child,” since the child is the one who had surgery. Otherwise, he should add the child into the phrase: “After Susie had surgery, her parents…”

The second example is just the same. The company that sent out this letter is calling itself a loyal customer. What it really meant to say is, “We want to inform you, a loyal customer, that you will receive a credit.” See how the phrase moved closer to its real subject—the thing it actually describes? The company could also have gone with, “Because you are a loyal customer, we want to inform you….”

Perhaps speakers and writers often think that in order to cram some more useful information into a sentence, they can just tack it on to the beginning with a comma. But they can’t do that without changing the meaning of the sentence.

I Swear!

I’ve long been fascinated by alternative swear words and exclamations. They strike me as more creative than the old standards. You hear them on TV; “Shut the front door!” is a popular one these days. I’m always delighted to hear new versions or old ones I’ve never heard.

Besides, I am mildly offended at foul language, especially the f word. When I hear such language, even if it’s not directed at me, I suffer a little discomfort and wince inwardly. Most people, of course, swear when they are angry or frustrated, and many think nothing of regularly peppering their speech with all kinds of “dirty words.”

But some feel more virtuous and try to find alternatives that are less vulgar. There is a long tradition of avoiding sin and vulgarity by pronouncing swear words slightly differently, such as “Dang!” and “Fudge!”

I’d much rather hear an assortment of more imaginative phrases than the same old crudity. From the old-fashioned and wholesome “Gee whiz!” to the visual “H-E-double hockey sticks!” to the oddball “Great Grandma’s Gravy!” and the nautical “Shiver me timbers!” -- there’s a lot to choose from.

Daylight Saving Time Doesn’t Move the Earth

If I believe all the TV newscasters, this weekend I lost an hour of sleep, but I’m gaining an extra hour of daylight. I don’t believe it.

For one thing, I could have gone to bed at any time on Saturday night and still slept 8 hours or as long as I wanted, regardless of what time it was.

Also, the Earth is still moving around the sun and rotating on its axis at the same rates it was a day or two ago. It hasn’t suddenly changed its path, started moving faster during the night or slowed down during the day.

We do not gain an hour of sunlight in daylight saving time, we merely change our clocks so that the sun appears to come up and set later than it usually does.

It’s not enough to lose sleep over.

Redundancies

Almost every day I hear random redundancies come out of people’s mouths. I’m quite sure I use them too, so I’m not totally criticizing here. But they catch my ear.

One of them is the ubiquitous “3 a.m. in the morning.” (This one I do not use.) When I hear it, I always mutter, “What, as opposed to 3 a.m. in the evening?” A.M. indicates morning, so there is no need to add further description of the time of day. Either 3 a.m. or 3 in the morning will suffice.

I’ve been hearing a lot of “small little” lately. I keep hearing a local lawyer commercial that mentions the “small little check” you’ll get from the insurance company if you don’t use the lawyer’s services. I believe the intent here is emphasis: The check is smaller than small. But, really, small and little mean the same thing, don’t they? Why not emphasize with a word like tiny or a phrase like awfully small”? You could even use the oxymoronic enormously small.

One phrase I’ve railed against for a long time is “and also.” Technically, these words are two different parts of speech and there is no redundancy here. And is a conjunction and also is an adverb. And indicates a connection or addition. Also means besides or likewise. If you look up also on the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, the first example of the use of also includes and: “She’s a talented singer and also a fine actress.” Again, emphasis.

But why use both? Why not: “She’s a talented singer and a fine actress.” Also just seems like an unnecessary addition.

Do these phrases sound as odd and wrong to you as they do to me? What phrases make you cringe?

Sorry, There Is No Blog This Week

This week, I’ve been sick. I flat out don’t feel like writing a blog.

Being a planner (see last post), I had a full list of things to do for every day of this week, which I made out last week in a fit of obsessive zeal. This week, I've been looking at how many things on that list are absolutely necessary, and which ones just don’t matter.

I have decided to continue attending my classes and doing my homework. I am still actively job searching this week, although I cancelled my registration at a job fair. I didn’t think sneezing on recruiters and wiping my nose before handing over my resume would be a positive way to stand out.

Other than that, I have been resting as much as possible, which seems to be helping.

I just don’t care about any of my other “obligations” right now. So you’re not actually looking at a blog post. I just didn’t feel like writing one.