Some of the good things about 2011

It was a trying year in many respects for many people. But there was good with the bad, and there were gains with the losses.

I gained new contacts and friends this year through networking. Networking is one of those things that people say is crucial to job searching, but should also be practiced when not job searching. Networking is a difficult thing for an introvert. Much of the advice that goes around on networking works very well – for extroverts. I read a book this year that every introvert should read: Networking for People Who Hate Networking. If you’re an introvert, or even just overwhelmed with the idea of networking, this book could really help you.

I found great satisfaction this year through volunteering. Volunteering can facilitate networking, of course, but can also help build, improve or maintain skills; make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside; or even just give you something to do. I volunteer at an animal shelter, which satisfies both my social need to work with people and provide customer service and my need to spend a little time with cute, furry animals. Plus, I am always reminded that what I do is greatly appreciated and truly helpful. Pick an interest, look for local organizations that mesh with that interest, and then call them up and ask if they need volunteers for any reason.

I accomplished a few personal projects this year. I wrote a play and a novel, and started this blog. I have had positive feedback on two of them (no one has seen the novel yet), and even if I never publish or produce two of them, I am just a little proud of myself for doing all three.

There have been plenty of other positives. Aside from a short cold, I have been healthy all year. I spent time with family and friends this year. I read several good books and saw several good movies and plays.

What was good about your year? Please share your successes!

Perspective

You’ve probably heard a lot about gratitude as a means of improving your mood or your life. You make a daily list of all the things and people in your life that you’re grateful for. It can help put things in perspective.

I call this the “There art thou happy” list. In Romeo and Juliet, after Tybalt kills Mercutio, Romeo kills Tybalt and Romeo has been banished from the city for his crime, Romeo goes crying in despair to Friar Lawrence. The priest runs down a litany of things that have gone right for Romeo, ending each item with “there art thou happy.” You’re alive. That’s good. Juliet’s alive. That’s good. Your sentence could have been death. Be thankful.

You’ll notice that Romeo’s problems literally deal with life and death. For less dramatic issues, I suggest the following tactics.

The “Could be worse” list

Look on the bright side by naming the bad things you could be experiencing but aren’t. In Young Frankenstein, while committing the tiring, filthy and unpalatable task of digging up a body in a graveyard, Igor looks on the bright side and says, “Could be worse. Could be raining.” Of course, the strategy immediately backfires on him when it starts raining. If you want to practice this one without the comic irony, you could substitute something more catastrophic than rain. It could be your “Could be worse. Could be a giant meteor wiping out the Earth” list. Add items like “Could be abducted by aliens“ or “Could be gored by a rhinoceros,“ as appropriate.

Ditch the list

Sometimes it’s hard to make the list. All those things going wrong for you are dominating your thoughts and you’re too cynically close to it all to feel grateful for anything. Then skip the list and give in to fatalism. In the old Bill Murray summer camp movie Meatballs, Bill gives the misfit camp kids a pep talk when they despair about the prospect of losing miserably to the more physically coordinated rival camp in an athletic contest. He leads them in the chant, “It just doesn’t matter! It just doesn’t matter!”

This is a great approach for those little everyday problems that rub you raw. Your boss tells you your work stinks. Your car/water heater/cell phone breaks down. Are these serious problems? Sure. But do they constitute the end of the world? Or even the most horrible thing that could ever happen to you? Nah. In the long run, it just doesn’t matter.

Untried Job Search Strategies

The Disclaimer: There’s a heavy dose of honesty here. Live with it.

I've been out of work now for a long time. Too long. And the unemployment has come with a supersized order of rejection, big enough to clog anybody’s emotional arteries.

I’ve been advised to think positively (that’s another blog for another day). But after almost a year of unemployment and daily job searching, I think even the most unnaturally cheery of souls would have just a little trouble keeping the chin up all the time.

Yes, I admit I get down. Way down. I maintain that that’s only natural, given the circumstances, and I refuse to feel bad about feeling bad.

I’ve done more than I’ve ever done in a job search, and done it better than I’ve ever done it. I’ve taken classes at the workforce center. I’ve brushed up on my computer skills and become more active in social media. I’ve left my introverted comfort zone and gone to networking events and spoken with strangers. I’ve made wonderful gains in all of this, but still failed to gain a job.

There must be something I haven’t tried. How about these ideas:

Message in a bottle

Here’s the idea: I put my resume and a desperate note asking for help (aka a cover letter) in a glass bottle and set it afloat, hoping someone will eventually pick it up, read it and rescue me. The only problem: I live in a landlocked state. Besides, it feels a lot like responding to online job postings. Say, would a message in a bottle count as a job contact on my unemployment log?

Skywriting

I hire a skywriter to fly over the city and spell out the url to my LinkedIn profile. Surely some hiring manager will look up. The obstacle: I don’t think I can afford it. It probably costs as much as six months of COBRA premiums, and I can hardly afford one of those every month. Besides, does anyone actually do skywriting anymore?

Time travel

With a time machine and the right crystals, I could go back in time and find a suitable job. I could go back to, say, the prosperity of the 1950s. But, I’m a nonsmoker and hate to suffer all that smoking in the office. The 40s? I could learn to rivet. Or I could be a Renaissance artist’s model. I’ve got the hips for it.

Advertising that gets noticed

I find an elephant, paint my face, contact info and a QR code on the side of it, and parade it around town. I would just need a giant poop scooper.

Career change

I learn how to juggle fire and switch careers. But I’ll bet you anything that as soon as I learn fire juggling, the fire juggler job postings will also require aerial gymnastics, sword swallowing and accounts receivable experience.

Humor

I keep doing what I’m doing, keep trying new things and improving my skills, and try to laugh about it. After all, I’ve found a few ways to channel my frustrations and my creative energy. I haven’t given up yet!

Drained by a Vampire Movie

I went to see Breaking Dawn Part I this weekend. I didn’t particularly care to, but a certain friend of mine loves the novels on which this movie is based, so I went with her. I enjoyed three things about the experience: the company of my friend, the chance to have a meal while sitting in the theater (we went to one of those theaters with table service), and the fact that I didn’t pay a thing for the movie ticket (through the clever use of rebate money). The movie itself was ridiculous.

I understood before going in that I was to see a long tableau of wedding arrangements, shots of “the dress,” the wedding itself, exotic location shots on the honeymoon, and an odd pregnancy and birth. (I thought that the plot would hold a few more key points than this, but alas, I was woefully wrong.) I thought that this movie was akin to looking at a mild acquaintance’s wedding album – the pictures are lovely, but I don’t know any of these people and I wasn’t there. I therefore have no real interest.

Besides that, I found some oddities in the movie that I couldn’t swallow. I can buy the idea that there is a family of Native Americans in this movie who can turn into wolves. But I can’t believe that this Native American wolf family has bred an Asian boy. One of the brothers in the pack looks clearly Asian. As an actor, he was competent, but he did not visually fit in.

There is also a scene in which the wolf pack gets together in wolf form to discuss the heroine, whose pregnancy, association by marriage to the vampire clan, and seemingly very existence seems to threaten them. I can’t fathom why. What’s it to them? Supposedly only one of them is in love with her, and that’s his personal problem. Anyway, they have this discussion in ominous, booming, echoing out-of-body dialogue, since wolves can’t actually speak in human. I guess the audience is meant to believe that we are listening in to their thoughts. It was ridiculous and cheesy, like a bad animated special.

The best part of the movie came when a little blood and gore showed up on the screen. And I do mean a little. For a vampire movie, this one was amazingly clean. (Maybe I should stop calling it a vampire movie and call it what it is: a preteen fantasy romance.) Anyway, whenever the spots of blood showed up, a long row of teen or preteen girls in the front of the theater regaled the audience with an outburst of “ewwwww!!!” This was even more amusing than the wolf telepathy scene.

Please don’t get me started on the social and feminist aspects of this movie and the books. I’m going to look at it strictly as entertainment. Sadly, as entertainment, it wasn’t terribly entertaining.

Don't Write Negatively

The disclaimer: I see from my previous blog post titles that I've not practiced what I'm about to preach. However, this blog post title is intended to be ironic.

You’ve heard the old adage: “Think positive.” (To which I might reply, ‘think positively,’ but that’s another blog.)

I’d like to extend that adage to “Write positively.”

Don’t is not a very powerful word. Case in point: When you’re teetering on the edge of a tall building (you know, as you do every week) and someone says, “Don’t look down,” what’s the first thing you do?

Another case in point: When you say to someone, “don’t laugh,” don’t they immediately and always let out a small chuckle before you’ve even told them that which is not supposed to be funny?

I learned in a child psychology class that you must give a child positive instructions rather than telling him what not to do. The child hears what you don’t want him to focus on and can’t shake it from his head. It’s suggestive. You say, “Don’t throw mashed potatoes at your sister,” and he hears “throw mashed potatoes at your sister.” Then you’re shocked to find him minutes later, throwing mashed potatoes at his sister.

The same goes for adults. You must plant the suggestion of what you want a person to do, not what you don’t want them to do.

In advertising, “Don’t wait!” becomes “Hurry in!”

In billing, “Please do not send cash” becomes “Please enclose a check or credit card information.”

Perhaps you can get away with including something negative if it’s followed by a positive: “Don’t let these poor animals suffer any longer. Please donate.” In this case, you’re implanting the negative in the audience’s mind in order to arouse feelings of sympathy and philanthropy, and then you’re giving them a way to counteract the negative and feel better.

What do you think? Do you respond as well to statements that use “don’t” as you do to positive statements?

The Things You Remember From College

I don’t know why I got all nostalgic, but the other day I got to remembering a certain college professor of mine – John Weihaupt. I took his classes in oceanography and astrogeology (the geology of the planets and moons), and admired the heck out of him. I even asked him to be my advisor on an independent study.

He had led research expeditions all around the world, making important discoveries, and sometimes he told us rousing stories about them. He was like Indiana Jones. Seriously, I sat in the front row with a core group of fellow fans for every class. We practically had “love you” stenciled on our eyelids.

He could draw a perfect circle on the chalkboard with two swift swipes. He could also chalk in a perfect map of the world in seconds, while the rest of us struggled to outline Africa in our notes (this was in that recent dark age of pen and paper). It got so that he had to draw up a map on paper and distribute copies of it so we could take down the important information, like the location of the Marianas Trench, without wasting time trying to “draw the drawing board.”

Sure, I took other classes in college. Yes, I was interested in other subjects. But sadly, I don’t remember all of my professors. Just the ones with a certain mystique.

Do you have any fond memories of teachers or college professors?

Be Careful Where You Put That Word!

Be careful with your word order; it could entirely change the meaning of what you’re saying.

Some words seem to be very easily misplaced. They slip in and out of sentences so stealthily that it’s hard to keep track of them. They are usually small, slippery words, like “all,” “not,” and “only.” Here are a couple of examples.

“Not all fats are bad” versus “All fats are not bad”

Look, there are two slippery words in there. The first sentence means that some fats are good and that you cannot lump (no pun intended) all fats into the same category. The second sentence means that all fats are good, or at least not bad.

“I only speak the truth” versus “I speak only the truth”

This first one gets me every time I listen to the Moulin Rouge soundtrack (it’s in the song “Hindi Sad Diamonds”).

The first one means “I do nothing but speak the truth,” which means that the speaker literally does nothing else. She does not eat, sleep or walk the dog. She only speaks the truth. I imagine she is some supernatural being with no physical presence but a mouth. The second means “I speak nothing but the truth. I tell no lies.”

These slippery words modify, limit or describe the words that come after them. When wondering where to put a slippery word, use a logical approach and ask yourself, “What concept (or word) does this word modify?” For instance, does “only” limit the action (“speak”) – am I only speaking and doing nothing else? Or does it limit that which is being spoken (“the truth”) – am I speaking anything else besides the truth?

And if all else fails and your head is in a jumble, start over and say it in a different way. What’s another way of saying “Not all fats” without using the word “not”? Answer: “Some fats.” Then, you can go with either “some fats are good” or “some fats are bad” and your sentence will be much clearer.

A Novel Idea (Even If You Don’t Have an Idea for a Novel)

Have you ever said, “Someday, I’m going to write a novel”? Well, and have you done it?

Yesterday, I began writing my novel. I will finish on November 30.

I am participating (again) in National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to write a 50,000-word novel between Nov. 1 and Nov. 30.

I hear you saying that’s crazy. But I’ve done it before. In 2009, I wrote my first novel. I did not publish my novel because when I finished it, I found it was so wretched that is wasn’t worth the time to revise it. But it might've been great!

The point of National Novel Writing Month is to write. You set yourself a goal of 50,000 words (or it’s set for you by the folks at the nonprofit Office of Letters and Light), and if you don’t want to be disappointed, or consider yourself a loser, then you finish it. It doesn’t matter if what you write is putrid, you just write. And when you finish, you can say “I wrote a novel.”

Now I hear you saying, “What’s the point?” Well, if you have “write a novel” on your bucket list, this is the best and quickest way to check it off. Especially if you tell everyone you’re going to do it, then join in the worldwide community of people on www.nanowrimo.org who are also doing it. Peer pressure, you know.

This event is also great if you seriously want to write a novel for possible publication but never seem to get around to it. In only 30 days, you’ll have a substantial amount of rough draft down on paper and then you can go back and revise it later. It’s a start!

If you like to write or you want to practice writing and get better at it, then participate in this event. You’ll be forced to write daily to meet your goal.

Plus, it’s just kind of fun.

Now, I must get back to my novel….

The Ghost of Halloween Costumes Past (With No Ghosts)



The Disclaimer: OK, so I'm relatively new at this blog platform, and I struggled with making the layout the way I wanted it. The blog platform won.

It’s easy to find a Halloween costume in a thrift store and cheaper than going to a Halloween store. The quality is usually better, too, because it’s real clothing and not a plastic garbage bag that’s trying to pass itself off as leather.


Here are some of my past thrift store costumes.



I found this uniform super-cheap, plus the vintage earrings (clip-ons – ouch!). My sister made the apron, the headpiece and the name tag (it says “Flo.”) I rounded the outfit out with a receipt pad and pen, pantyhose, sensible shoes, some bad eye shadow and lipstick, a piece of gum and an attitude, not all of which are visible in this photo.







This is a thrift store find from the same year as the following photo. Everything was so cheap, even on a teacher’s salary, that I could afford two costumes: one for the day and one for the evening (this is the evening). This jumpsuit doesn’t fit me terribly well (see those “long” sleeves that don’t come all the way down?), but hey, you work with what you’ve got. A little face makeup, some long necklaces and some funky shoes, and you’ve got a costume.







I wore this costume more than a decade ago; it’s a vintage dress. What makes me laugh now is that I was dressed as an old lady, but I look so darn young! (Hmmm… Maybe this year I should dress as a young lady.) This was another thrift store find and I think I borrowed the accessories, including the purse, shoes and glasses. I also have an old hat on with a sparse veil.

I was a high school teacher at the time of this photo, and I wore this to work. The kids got a real kick out of it.

It’s funny what you can find in a thrift store around Halloween. I’ve gone Halloween shopping in thrift stores and laughed so hard I cried. The shopping experience alone was worth the price of 20 movie tickets.

Happy Halloween!







Alternatives to “Good Luck”

The Disclaimer: See that bump in my cheek? It’s my tongue.

I recently went to a hardware store and told them my problem: the spout on my gas can fell down inside the can and now I can’t pour the gas out without it all running down the side of the can and pooling in a perilous flammable puddle. I asked if they had a replacement spout. The clerk’s answer was, “Good luck!”

Now, I’ve had a lot of people wish me good luck lately and I’m grateful for all of them. I sincerely appreciate their kindness and I wholly believe in their sincerity. Saying “good luck” to a person can be very encouraging and is perfectly acceptable. But consider the following scenarios.

A reality show host offers a friendly “Good luck to all of you,” before revealing which contestant is out of the competition. Since everyone participating knows that only one person will be the winner, doesn’t wishing them all good luck seem disingenuous, not to mention improbable?

A job seeker receives a rejection that ends with “Good luck in your job search.” The job seeker just received 235 other rejections the previous day. In each of them, of course, the “Good luck” part was preceded by “We don’t want you.” Guess which part has the more powerful message?

And finally, a rugged individualist and staunch realist who doesn’t believe in luck is told “Good luck!”For instance, in the movie The Abyss, when someone wishes her luck in a very difficult task, the character Lindsey Brigman replies, “Luck is not a factor.”

So, what to say instead?

When wishing someone success in a challenging venture, how about Tim Gunn’s “Make it work!” This allows the person to insert his or her own ingenuity into the process. The encouraging “Go for it!” or “Go get ‘em!” may be substituted for “Make it work!”

If you’re superstitious and in the theater, continue to use the traditional “Break a leg.” If you’re superstitious and not in the theater, how about, “Get scurvy!”

If you know the person will not be offended or uncomfortable if you offer a religious sentiment, you could say “God bless you,” or “Let Jesus take the wheel!”

If you’re a certain kind of nerd, you may want to stick with “May the Force be with you.” It’s both secular and multidenominational.

What other suggestions do you have?

Don't Abandon Quotation Marks

We are all familiar with the uses of quotation marks. Well, actually, that’s just wishful thinking on my part – plenty of people misuse them (see the “blog” of “unnecessary” quotation marks).

Those of us who are familiar with them know that, at least in America, they are used mainly for two reasons: to indicate irony, which is what people are unwittingly doing in the aforementioned blog, and to frame a quote in nonfiction or dialogue in fiction.

I’ve discovered lately that in fiction, quotation marks are being abandoned. I’ve read plenty of novels in the last couple of years – nay, too many – in which the characters’ dialogue is indicated not by quotation marks, but by italics, long dashes or no special typography at all.

It has confused me. Did that character just say something? Did he only think it? Is there more than one person talking? Or was it just description? Sometimes there isn’t even so much as a “he said.”

Have you noticed this? Please tell me you have. I feel like I’ve awakened in one of those science fiction stories in which everything has subtly changed and everyone acts as if everything is normal but they’ve really all been replaced by lookalike alien invaders. Am I being too paranoid here?

Why, I ask you, are publishers flouting the conventions of quotation marks? I imagine some brash young editor playing Angry Birds with one hand and using the other to rebelliously slash at quotation marks with a virtual red pen. “That’s how my grandmother did it and I’m so over it!” he/she grouses. “Rules shmules! These stupid quotation marks are so old school.”

I dread the day when books are riddled with some weird wingdings in place of perfectly useful punctuation. Hello, he said.Why, hello there, she replied exuberantly..

I’m all for progress, but why fix it if it isn’t broken? Punctuation isn’t fashion – you don’t just change it up every season to get people to buy more of it. Some may call me a purist, maybe with a bit of a sneer. But I don’t think I’m alone in this.

Hello?

A Wholly Unoriginal Post

Is there truly nothing new under the sun? Seth Godin says that the number of creators is rising; that is, for every 100 consumers, there is someone with a blog, a TV show, or a product of some kind. When the world is saturated with creators, are the creators just re-creating old creations?

We’ve all heard this complaint from movie critics: That movie was formulaic. This movie was just that movie warmed over. The sequel just copies the “original.”

Just how creative are most of the movies, books, works of art, brochures or ads you see? Is there a finite number of human experiences to draw from? Is it a lack of creativity or laziness? Are we more likely to stick to the familiar just because it’s familiar?

Have you read this before?

What Is Personal?

The definition of what is personal, and therefore private, has changed with time.

It used to be that your body was personal and private. At various times in history, you dared not show your neck or ankle or bellybutton to anyone and seeing someone else’s in public was scandalous. There was shame in revealing the personal, at least to the wrong person and at the wrong time. To reveal the personal was a reflection on you and your obviously low standards.

Now it is information that is personal and private. Your birth date, your social security number, and your medical records are personal. Your hobbies, interests and recreational activities are personal. Your preferences can be personal. Do you prefer mustard or mayonnaise? That’s personal.

If someone else reveals or accesses your personal information, that’s frowned upon and even dangerous. Otherwise, there seems to be no shame in revealing your personal information these days. People share all kinds of things about themselves, especially on the internet, perhaps in order to “connect” with other people (see Unconnected post, Aug. 28).

People share so much personal information that society has fallen into an informational ennui. You Tweet: Having dinner, but these peppers are giving me terrible gas! No one cares, except maybe your gastroenterologist. No one is even scandalized about the public sharing of such personal information, although someone might yell, “TMI!”

So, if it’s not too personal, please share: What do you consider personal? What is OK to share and what should you keep to yourself?

An Occupational Hazard of Writers

The Disclaimer: This isn’t so much a disclaimer as a credit. The following was inspired by a conversation with new friend and fellow ex-teacher Robert Hageman. Thanks, Rob!

One of the biggest occupational hazards of being a writer and editor is that everyone thinks they can do the job as well as, if not better than, you can. (Hey, that’s funny -- that was one of my occupational hazards as a teacher, too.) Their reasoning is fine on the surface: I speak the language.

But if truly everyone could do it, there wouldn’t be writing and editing jobs, in which a person’s main duties are writing and editing (I know there are some of those jobs out there, I just know it!). Also, no self-respecting university would actually offer a bachelor’s degree in writing, like I have. It would be like getting a degree in breathing. (If you actually have such a degree, please let me know!)

I’ve also heard the idea that because a person went to college, he can write. And the more he went to college, the better he can write. Well, I went to college too (and majored in writing, remember?). And I know that in college, especially in graduate school, you learn to write in an “academic” way – long, rambling, passive voice that you’re milking for all its worth so you can fill the minimum number of pages required. That’s called bs-ing, not writing.

Being a professional writer and editor also has side effects. I read at least half the day, with a serious “work” concentration. Now, when I read recreationally in the evening, I don’t care to apply the same vigor to the task as I have at work. As a result, I can’t get through a Henry James novel. I read Turn of the Screw last year and was confused by the end of it. Did something happen? Was there a plot?

Despite the risks, I still enjoy the journey into language that one takes as a writer and editor and I will still pursue a full-time career in it. I probably won’t pursue another James novel, though.

I Made a Mistake

In a recent job interview, I had to fess up to an infamous error I made while at my last job.

I was editing an edition of a research journal. The editing and proofreading had been a long process, and it was down to the finishing touches. Suddenly, word came that the journal was going to be handed out at a conference and it needed to go to print now. The graphic designer was preparing the standard cover design and I asked him to be sure to put the volume number on the cover before he sent it to the printer.

The next thing I knew, we got an outraged call from said conference with the news that the cover said “Volumer.”

Now I’ve got to tell you that I have mixed feelings about this error. On the one hand, it was a while back and everyone makes mistakes and it’s not the end of the world. On the other, how embarrassing! What a way to look bad – big and bold and on the cover! It is a pretty big blow to my professional ego – how could I possibly let that kind of thing happen?

I take responsibility here – I did not check the cover before it went to the printer. For all future editions of the journal, and indeed, for all other future projects, I checked everything closely, especially covers, regardless of the looming deadline.

My colleagues were gracious and played it down. They shared similar stories about their own mistakes. For months afterward, we joked about adding an extra “r” on the ends of words. Someone suggested we blow up a copy of the cover, frame it and hang it on the wall. For this lighthearted pain sharing, I am grateful.

There is a lesson here, or perhaps a few. I like to think of it this way:

·         Learn from your mistakes but don’t dwell on the past.

·         Own up but don’t be too hard on yourself.

·         Strive for perfection but don’t be disappointed if you don’t get there (because you won’t).

What’s your philosophy on making mistakes?

Idiosyncrasy or verbal crutch?

The disclaimer: Yep, I use a couple of these myself, without even thinking about it. And it must stop.

Have you ever noticed people peppering their speech with useless or even erroneously used words and phrases? Do you think it’s colorful or just annoying?

 I’m talking about things like:

·         “Actually.”

Example:  “So, I actually called the phone company, and I actually complained about my bill. And then, they actually told me that my bill was correct.”

People carelessly throw this word in to modify their verbs all the time, as if you wouldn’t believe they actually did what they said they were doing. But it would work so much better in moderation and in cases where the action was outrageous. For instance, “So, I actually got on a banana boat going down the Limpopo River and I actually fell out, and then a water buffalo actually tried to eat me.” Then again, it would work just fine without the actuallys.

·         “You know what I mean”? Also, “You know what I’m sayin’?” or simply “You know?”

Example: “So, I was over at the place, you know? And those guys, they were all [gestures], you know what I mean?”

This is especially heinous when the person is telling you a story about something that happened to them while you were not present, or explaining something that you are not familiar with. No, actually, I don’t know what you mean. That’s why you’re explaining it to me.

·         “Like” and “all”

Example: “So, like, this dog comes running up to me, and I’m all, like, you know, and it’s all snarlin’ and I’m like, ‘dude’!”

While this communication can be fairly clear in person due to the addition of facial expressions and gestures, can it really be called communication? There is so little meaning in it.

·         “Literally”

Example: “Like, that movie literally blew me away.”

Um, no it didn’t.  They have not yet invented the technology by which a movie can exert enough wind power to physically move you into the next county.

See plenty of real-life examples of this nonsense on Literally, A Web Log.

·         “So….”

Example: “Well, yes, I do find myself using these words erroneously from time to time, so….”

You hear this all the time stuck on the end of a sentence with an audible ellipsis, as if the speaker would like you to make some inference about his or her point. Or maybe the speaker is just afraid of the inevitable silence that would occur after he or she is done speaking and feels the need to throw in one last syllable to help fill the emptiness.

So….

You know what I’m sayin’?

Unconnected

The disclaimer: This blog is most decidedly colored by the mental state one can get into when one is unemployed.

I believe I’m not the first to suggest that this globally connected world is not so connected. We are losing sight of each other.

When we drive, all that metal and rubber between us makes it easy to lose sight of the fact that all the cars around us contain at least one human being each. The enclosure of the car is isolating. We get mad at others for their driving habits, and since we see ourselves as “alone,” we do and say things we wouldn’t if we were face to face with each other. We yell obscenities, call people names and make gestures. Some people feel so alone in their cars, they get dressed or undressed.

Online, we chat with each other, “connect” with each other on social media, tweet at each other, but it’s easy to lose sight of the fact that there is a live person on the other side. For instance, I’m sitting here totally alone, posting some ramblings where others will be able to read them. I have to stop to think about the handful of real people who may actually read this [Hi, friends!].

In the modern job search, something I’ve been muddling through, job seekers send letters and resumes to what is now commonly called the “black hole.” Online applications systems make it easy for companies to accept resumes and easy for applicants to submit. But frequently, there’s no actual connection made between people -- sometimes a computer reads the application and decides that it is not worthy of sending on to a human.

The answer in this last example is to network. Maybe I can meet somebody online….

The Devolution of Handwriting

I’m sure you’ve read (probably in the neat, sans-serif lettering of digitized print) that cursive writing and penmanship are on the decline. That, indeed, some schools have even stopped teaching cursive writing because it is so useless. That except perhaps for calligraphy hobbyists, everyone’s penmanship, not just doctors’, is rapidly waning.

Perhaps like me, you still have some use for writing by hand. I write birthday cards, thank you cards, and grocery and to-do lists, and I even wrote this blog by hand first. But even with that small bit of practice, I must admit that my penmanship is declining. It’s not bad, mind you, and some have called my writing “neat.” But it’s not like it used to be.

I have looked down with shock on notes I’ve written to myself, not knowing exactly what I was trying to tell myself. Of course, as I write, I’m trying to get it all down before my memory gives up in exhaustion on my racing brain. So I use abbreviations and scribble hastily. But even if I am attempting to calmly write out a nice note to someone, the once-neat script sometimes begins to go rogue.

My logical brain says, yes, let’s unburden the school curriculum with such an archaic and pointless thing as writing in cursive, which people are using less and less, and fill its place with something like more reading comprehension or math, which are far more valuable.

Still it saddens me. What will be the societal ramifications if cursive writing des out completely? How will handwriting analysis experts make a living? People who know how to read cursive will join the ranks of those who can read Egyptian hieroglyphics.

And if my own handwriting continues to devolve, perhaps I’ll need one of those hieroglyph experts.

Stick Your Apostrophes Where They Belong

The Disclaimer: I have been an English teacher and am currently a professional writer and editor --though an unemployed one -- so you weigh the evidence.

Have you forgotten the difference between a plural, a possessive and a contraction? Are you unsure about when to use an apostrophe and where to stick it? Your misuse of apostrophes could cause undesirable consequences for you, not the least of which is being made fun of on the internet.

If you or someone you know is an apostrophe abuser, take these steps now:

1.       Admit you have a problem.

2.       Learn how to form a plural.

Plural means there is more than one of something. Usually, plurals add an s to the end of a word, without an apostrophe. The only time a plural uses an apostrophe is in an awkward case.

For example, you want to say there is more than one s in a word: There were two s’s. This is so awkward, you probably want to skip the plural altogether and just stick with “more than one s.”

When in doubt with a plural, just leave the apostrophe at home. SUVs is better than SUV’s because the latter might be confused with a possessive. I can’t stand driving by a mechanic’s shop with a sign out front that says he services SUV’s. You service SUV’swhat? See next step.

3.       Learn how to form a possessive.

A possessive means something belongs to somebody or something else. Usually, a possessive uses an apostrophe and an s. SUV’s, for example, means something that belongs to SUV, such as the SUV’s engine.

If the word is plural but doesn’t end in an s, like women, still use an apostrophe and an s: Where is the women’s room? If the word is plural and ends in an s, you’re going to have to put the apostrophe at the end: The dogs’ kennels are dirty.

I see you’re confused now. Just move on to the next step when you’re ready.

4.       Learn how to form a contraction.

A contraction is two words smashed together, with the missing letters replaced by an apostrophe. For example, don’t is do and not shoved together. See how the o in not disappeared and there’s an apostrophe there instead? It’s a place holder, like the seat fillers at the Academy Awards. Here, Mister O, I’ll sit here and make it look like the auditorium is full while you get a drink.

To use an apostrophe correctly in a contraction, figure out where the missing letter or letters would be if the words were all spelled out, and stick the apostrophe there.

5.       Recognize what you have done and make amends.

Now go out and fix your signs and websites. If you’re making these kinds of mistakes as a business owner, you’re getting bad publicity. And next time, consider hiring an editor. There are plenty of out-of-work editors who need jobs.

Lee Pace and Real Acting

The Disclaimer: Now, I may be getting all critical here about actors and maybe one actor in particular, but that’s not to say that I actually know what I’m talking about. Yes, I’ve been there myself, most un-notably in the fifth grade musical and the college one-act festival. But no, I was not good.

Lee Pace is seriously underrated. Do you know him? He doesn’t usually show up on magazine covers and entertainment news, but he is a talented and versatile actor.

I first saw him in the whimsical and wry TV series Pushing Daisies. I guess that show was underrated, too, because after one magical season, it was cancelled. Anyway, his boy-next-door charm caught my attention and I began to actively “look out for him.”

I next saw him in a film called Infamous, about a murder case that inspired Truman Capote’s book In Cold Blood. I did not immediately recognize him. This, to me, is the sign of a good actor – not knowing it’s the same person from movie to movie.

The last thing I saw with Lee (I hope he doesn’t mind he’s on a first-name basis with me) was Soldier’s Girl. By this time, I knew in advance he was in the film because I chose to watch the film based on his casting. Otherwise, I would have been scratching my head the whole time thinking, gee, that person looks familiar – who is that?

I say person, because Lee plays a beautiful transgendered woman who looks pretty convincingly feminine (especially in the shot that displays her bare chest). Not only is the appearance convincing (good on you, make-up department) but his performance is convincing.

Now, some actors play a leading man, an action hero, a cop and another action hero. Good for them, they’re getting good work. Some actors seem to play themselves, only [fill in adjective here]. Al Pacino, for instance, in Insomnia seems to be playing Al Pacino, only tired.

Of course actors bring at least parts of themselves into a role. It can’t be helped. And that’s why certain actors are cast over others. But to embody another soul, to be truly different in each role and so disappear into that role that you don’t realize who you are watching -- now, that’s acting.

The Disclaimer

This blog posting is one big disclaimer.

From here on out, this blog will be irregular and unclassifiable. There’s no set topic. It’s undisciplined and unscheduled. Even the tone may vary. You might expect to find musings on books, movies and popular culture. You might find a semi-serious discourse on a concept such as creativity. You might find a lesson in grammar. Who knows? I certainly don’t.

I might suggest that this blog may not be for you. Seriously, you may not like it. You may be bored or you may think it’s a stupid waste of your time. You may even be offended, though it won’t be by any bad language or inflammatory ideas, because I tend to not use either. So, find a better blog somewhere and read that instead. Or, if you must, subscribe to this one. Suit yourself. You’ve been warned.