Robins Only Live in Springtime

It has begun.

Every year, I hear all kinds of odd statements, old wives’ tales and outright fallacies casually and predictably pronounced by news anchors, weathermen, and marketers (via TV commercials).

It seems most of them have to do with animals, holidays and seasons. Many of them are flat-out ridiculous. Yet people perpetuate them with glee.

It began early this year during a warm stretch of weather, when my local weatherman showed a viewer photo of a robin and wondered aloud if spring was here. This one gets me every year. I understand that the robin has long been a symbol of spring and that robins migrate and therefore might be a less common sight around here in the winter. But I have seen robins year-round, including summer, fall and winter. This cliché is tired. Let it rest.

Last year, I actually heard a prominent and respected local news anchor say that Independence Day was the day we remember our veterans (living and otherwise) and what they’ve done for our country. Um, no. That would be Memorial Day and/or Veterans Day. On Independence Day, the U.S. celebrates its independence from Great Britain.

Later this year, we’ll be hearing about the dog days of summer. The dog days, contrary to what you will be lead to believe, have nothing to do with canines lying around lazily in the heat. They have to do with the Dog Star’s position in space.

Here’s one that’s actually dangerous: If you watch enough TV and movies, you’ll learn that cats drink milk and play with yarn. In fact, if you give your cat milk, it will likely have diarrhea. And if you give it yarn or anything linear to play with, it may swallow it and develop life-threatening intestinal blockages.

Think about the clichés you hear and don’t take them all for gospel truth.

Which Pronoun?

Do you ever get corrected when you say “him and I” or “Joe and me”? People are frequently confused about the proper use of direct and indirect object pronouns, especially because half the people they listen to and model are wrong.

Here’s how to get it right.

Don’t worry about what part of speech you’re using and whether it’s direct or indirect. That’s too much analysis. Just try this simple “equation.”

Subtract one person out of the sentence. Let’s say you want to tell someone that you and some guy named Billy Bob went to the opera.

You have four choices:

A. Billy Bob and me went to the opera.

B. Me and Billy Bob went to the opera.

C. Billy Bob and I went to the opera.

D. I and Billy Bob went to the opera.

Two of these are grammatically correct. Which one would you use?

The correct usages are C and D.

How do you know? Subtract one of the subjects: Leave Billy Bob out of it for a minute. Would you say “Me went to the movies”? No, unless you were Tarzan, you would say “I went to the movies.” Therefore, I is the correct pronoun to use in this case. While both C and D are correct, most people find C sounds better to the ear.

Now, let’s say someone gave you the opera tickets. Again, you have four choices:

E. Zerelda gave me and Billy Bob opera tickets.

F. Zerelda gave Billy Bob and me opera tickets.

G. Zerelda gave Billy Bob and I opera tickets.

H. Zerelda gave I and Billy Bob opera tickets.

Again, leave Billy Bob at home. Would you say “Zerelda gave me the tickets” or “Zerelda gave I the tickets”? The answer on this one, which I’m sure you’ll find most apparent, is “me”; therefore E and F are the correct choices. Use whichever sounds best to your ear. I like E best.

You can use this same “equation” with he/him and she/her. For example, “He/him and Billy Bob gave she/her and Zerelda a lesson in grammar.” Can you pick the right pronoun?

Taking Care of a Pet With a Cold

The disclaimer: If your pet is sick, please consult a veterinarian. This advice is not intended to replace the personalized care you will get when you physically take your animal to a licensed veterinarian.

I have been volunteering at a local animal shelter for awhile now, in the veterinary clinic. Adopters can bring their newly adopted pets in for free help with shelter-related health issues. We mostly treat head colds: upper respiratory infections in cats and kennel cough in dogs.

The veterinarian I work with, Dr. Steve Huber, gives the same advice to every adopter on nursing dogs and cats with colds. With his permission, I’m sharing this advice here. (Respect the disclaimer!)

Create a steam room. If you have a vaporizer – not a humidifier, but a machine that boils water and creates steam -- put your pet in a small room with it for about 15 minutes, twice a day. If you don’t have a vaporizer, create a steam room in a small bathroom by turning on the shower as hot as it will go. Don’t put your pet under the shower, of course, but let him roam the room. The steam will soften up all the mucus membranes and help clear the airways.

Keep the boogers away. Twice a day, especially in the morning, wet a cotton ball with warm water, squeeze out the excess water, and gently rub your pet’s eyes and nostrils to remove any crusty buildup that has accumulated.

Provide fluids with calories. If your pet is feverish or congested and can’t smell anything, he may not feel like eating his regular food. Set down a buffet of foods such as broths, bouillons, chicken soup, and the liquid from canned tuna. Dr. Huber also recommends Gerber’s Chicken and Gravy baby food. It is high in water, nutritious and pretty darn tasty. Don’t give your pet anything with milk or sugar in it.

If your pet’s doctor has given you medications, give them according to directions.

Head colds in pets can last from two to 10 days. If your pet’s illness lingers, consult your veterinarian.

Rest

This New Year’s Day, as you know, was both a holiday and a Sunday. Traditionally, holidays and Sundays were not only days off from work, but also generally days of rest.

It used to be (or so I’m told) that nothing was open on Sundays or holidays except churches and the odd donut shop. You couldn’t just step out and shop for new clothes or TVs or pick up a few necessities on Christmas. Lots of people got these days off, except for police officers and firefighters, doctors and nurses. These days, though, everything is open on weekends and holidays and it’s business as usual. More people have to work.

For some, working includes being tied to a computer or smartphone. You may technically have the day off of work, but you’re still mentally engaged in your job by checking your email when you’re not there.

Whether you’re addicted to technology, or you have a heightened sense of responsibility or you’re a workaholic, you need to rest. It helps recharge your brain cells and makes you more productive when you return to work. It helps keep you well, both physically and mentally. We all work hard. But shouldn’t we feel some responsibility to ourselves and take a day of rest every week?

This New Year’s Day, I spent the day unplugged. For me, this meant no checking my email, no checking my Twitter feed or Tweeting, no internet surfing, no blogging and no worrying that I should be doing any of that.

How did you start off your year? I hope you got some rest!

Some of the good things about 2011

It was a trying year in many respects for many people. But there was good with the bad, and there were gains with the losses.

I gained new contacts and friends this year through networking. Networking is one of those things that people say is crucial to job searching, but should also be practiced when not job searching. Networking is a difficult thing for an introvert. Much of the advice that goes around on networking works very well – for extroverts. I read a book this year that every introvert should read: Networking for People Who Hate Networking. If you’re an introvert, or even just overwhelmed with the idea of networking, this book could really help you.

I found great satisfaction this year through volunteering. Volunteering can facilitate networking, of course, but can also help build, improve or maintain skills; make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside; or even just give you something to do. I volunteer at an animal shelter, which satisfies both my social need to work with people and provide customer service and my need to spend a little time with cute, furry animals. Plus, I am always reminded that what I do is greatly appreciated and truly helpful. Pick an interest, look for local organizations that mesh with that interest, and then call them up and ask if they need volunteers for any reason.

I accomplished a few personal projects this year. I wrote a play and a novel, and started this blog. I have had positive feedback on two of them (no one has seen the novel yet), and even if I never publish or produce two of them, I am just a little proud of myself for doing all three.

There have been plenty of other positives. Aside from a short cold, I have been healthy all year. I spent time with family and friends this year. I read several good books and saw several good movies and plays.

What was good about your year? Please share your successes!

Perspective

You’ve probably heard a lot about gratitude as a means of improving your mood or your life. You make a daily list of all the things and people in your life that you’re grateful for. It can help put things in perspective.

I call this the “There art thou happy” list. In Romeo and Juliet, after Tybalt kills Mercutio, Romeo kills Tybalt and Romeo has been banished from the city for his crime, Romeo goes crying in despair to Friar Lawrence. The priest runs down a litany of things that have gone right for Romeo, ending each item with “there art thou happy.” You’re alive. That’s good. Juliet’s alive. That’s good. Your sentence could have been death. Be thankful.

You’ll notice that Romeo’s problems literally deal with life and death. For less dramatic issues, I suggest the following tactics.

The “Could be worse” list

Look on the bright side by naming the bad things you could be experiencing but aren’t. In Young Frankenstein, while committing the tiring, filthy and unpalatable task of digging up a body in a graveyard, Igor looks on the bright side and says, “Could be worse. Could be raining.” Of course, the strategy immediately backfires on him when it starts raining. If you want to practice this one without the comic irony, you could substitute something more catastrophic than rain. It could be your “Could be worse. Could be a giant meteor wiping out the Earth” list. Add items like “Could be abducted by aliens“ or “Could be gored by a rhinoceros,“ as appropriate.

Ditch the list

Sometimes it’s hard to make the list. All those things going wrong for you are dominating your thoughts and you’re too cynically close to it all to feel grateful for anything. Then skip the list and give in to fatalism. In the old Bill Murray summer camp movie Meatballs, Bill gives the misfit camp kids a pep talk when they despair about the prospect of losing miserably to the more physically coordinated rival camp in an athletic contest. He leads them in the chant, “It just doesn’t matter! It just doesn’t matter!”

This is a great approach for those little everyday problems that rub you raw. Your boss tells you your work stinks. Your car/water heater/cell phone breaks down. Are these serious problems? Sure. But do they constitute the end of the world? Or even the most horrible thing that could ever happen to you? Nah. In the long run, it just doesn’t matter.

Untried Job Search Strategies

The Disclaimer: There’s a heavy dose of honesty here. Live with it.

I've been out of work now for a long time. Too long. And the unemployment has come with a supersized order of rejection, big enough to clog anybody’s emotional arteries.

I’ve been advised to think positively (that’s another blog for another day). But after almost a year of unemployment and daily job searching, I think even the most unnaturally cheery of souls would have just a little trouble keeping the chin up all the time.

Yes, I admit I get down. Way down. I maintain that that’s only natural, given the circumstances, and I refuse to feel bad about feeling bad.

I’ve done more than I’ve ever done in a job search, and done it better than I’ve ever done it. I’ve taken classes at the workforce center. I’ve brushed up on my computer skills and become more active in social media. I’ve left my introverted comfort zone and gone to networking events and spoken with strangers. I’ve made wonderful gains in all of this, but still failed to gain a job.

There must be something I haven’t tried. How about these ideas:

Message in a bottle

Here’s the idea: I put my resume and a desperate note asking for help (aka a cover letter) in a glass bottle and set it afloat, hoping someone will eventually pick it up, read it and rescue me. The only problem: I live in a landlocked state. Besides, it feels a lot like responding to online job postings. Say, would a message in a bottle count as a job contact on my unemployment log?

Skywriting

I hire a skywriter to fly over the city and spell out the url to my LinkedIn profile. Surely some hiring manager will look up. The obstacle: I don’t think I can afford it. It probably costs as much as six months of COBRA premiums, and I can hardly afford one of those every month. Besides, does anyone actually do skywriting anymore?

Time travel

With a time machine and the right crystals, I could go back in time and find a suitable job. I could go back to, say, the prosperity of the 1950s. But, I’m a nonsmoker and hate to suffer all that smoking in the office. The 40s? I could learn to rivet. Or I could be a Renaissance artist’s model. I’ve got the hips for it.

Advertising that gets noticed

I find an elephant, paint my face, contact info and a QR code on the side of it, and parade it around town. I would just need a giant poop scooper.

Career change

I learn how to juggle fire and switch careers. But I’ll bet you anything that as soon as I learn fire juggling, the fire juggler job postings will also require aerial gymnastics, sword swallowing and accounts receivable experience.

Humor

I keep doing what I’m doing, keep trying new things and improving my skills, and try to laugh about it. After all, I’ve found a few ways to channel my frustrations and my creative energy. I haven’t given up yet!