The Lobotomy Certificate

This week, during a semi-impromptu presentation in a class I’m enrolled in, the presenter introduced a young man by saying that he was working toward a “lobotomy certificate.” The young man was willing to let that pass, but when the presenter was questioned and she repeated exactly what she had said with smiling conviction, he corrected her by piping up with “phlebotomy certificate.”

All week since, I’ve been thinking about that lobotomy certification. Would it be useful?

I myself am going for a web design certificate. I know many others who are getting certified in project management or accounting or human resources. It seems that these days, everyone has to be certified in one thing or more just to compete. But if nearly everyone, say, who is applying for a project management job is certified in project management, how does anyone stand out?

I think the answer to that is obviously the lobotomy certificate. Who else has that? Nobody.

You never know when such a skill might come in handy in the workplace. And you’d be the only one able to do it. You would become invaluable.

Perhaps other useful certificates would include trepanation, exorcism, scrimshaw, and cup stacking.

What do you think? What would you like to be certified in?