I Swear!

I’ve long been fascinated by alternative swear words and exclamations. They strike me as more creative than the old standards. You hear them on TV; “Shut the front door!” is a popular one these days. I’m always delighted to hear new versions or old ones I’ve never heard.

Besides, I am mildly offended at foul language, especially the f word. When I hear such language, even if it’s not directed at me, I suffer a little discomfort and wince inwardly. Most people, of course, swear when they are angry or frustrated, and many think nothing of regularly peppering their speech with all kinds of “dirty words.”

But some feel more virtuous and try to find alternatives that are less vulgar. There is a long tradition of avoiding sin and vulgarity by pronouncing swear words slightly differently, such as “Dang!” and “Fudge!”

I’d much rather hear an assortment of more imaginative phrases than the same old crudity. From the old-fashioned and wholesome “Gee whiz!” to the visual “H-E-double hockey sticks!” to the oddball “Great Grandma’s Gravy!” and the nautical “Shiver me timbers!” -- there’s a lot to choose from.