Untried Job Search Strategies

The Disclaimer: There’s a heavy dose of honesty here. Live with it.

I've been out of work now for a long time. Too long. And the unemployment has come with a supersized order of rejection, big enough to clog anybody’s emotional arteries.

I’ve been advised to think positively (that’s another blog for another day). But after almost a year of unemployment and daily job searching, I think even the most unnaturally cheery of souls would have just a little trouble keeping the chin up all the time.

Yes, I admit I get down. Way down. I maintain that that’s only natural, given the circumstances, and I refuse to feel bad about feeling bad.

I’ve done more than I’ve ever done in a job search, and done it better than I’ve ever done it. I’ve taken classes at the workforce center. I’ve brushed up on my computer skills and become more active in social media. I’ve left my introverted comfort zone and gone to networking events and spoken with strangers. I’ve made wonderful gains in all of this, but still failed to gain a job.

There must be something I haven’t tried. How about these ideas:

Message in a bottle

Here’s the idea: I put my resume and a desperate note asking for help (aka a cover letter) in a glass bottle and set it afloat, hoping someone will eventually pick it up, read it and rescue me. The only problem: I live in a landlocked state. Besides, it feels a lot like responding to online job postings. Say, would a message in a bottle count as a job contact on my unemployment log?

Skywriting

I hire a skywriter to fly over the city and spell out the url to my LinkedIn profile. Surely some hiring manager will look up. The obstacle: I don’t think I can afford it. It probably costs as much as six months of COBRA premiums, and I can hardly afford one of those every month. Besides, does anyone actually do skywriting anymore?

Time travel

With a time machine and the right crystals, I could go back in time and find a suitable job. I could go back to, say, the prosperity of the 1950s. But, I’m a nonsmoker and hate to suffer all that smoking in the office. The 40s? I could learn to rivet. Or I could be a Renaissance artist’s model. I’ve got the hips for it.

Advertising that gets noticed

I find an elephant, paint my face, contact info and a QR code on the side of it, and parade it around town. I would just need a giant poop scooper.

Career change

I learn how to juggle fire and switch careers. But I’ll bet you anything that as soon as I learn fire juggling, the fire juggler job postings will also require aerial gymnastics, sword swallowing and accounts receivable experience.

Humor

I keep doing what I’m doing, keep trying new things and improving my skills, and try to laugh about it. After all, I’ve found a few ways to channel my frustrations and my creative energy. I haven’t given up yet!