The Things You Remember From College

I don’t know why I got all nostalgic, but the other day I got to remembering a certain college professor of mine – John Weihaupt. I took his classes in oceanography and astrogeology (the geology of the planets and moons), and admired the heck out of him. I even asked him to be my advisor on an independent study.

He had led research expeditions all around the world, making important discoveries, and sometimes he told us rousing stories about them. He was like Indiana Jones. Seriously, I sat in the front row with a core group of fellow fans for every class. We practically had “love you” stenciled on our eyelids.

He could draw a perfect circle on the chalkboard with two swift swipes. He could also chalk in a perfect map of the world in seconds, while the rest of us struggled to outline Africa in our notes (this was in that recent dark age of pen and paper). It got so that he had to draw up a map on paper and distribute copies of it so we could take down the important information, like the location of the Marianas Trench, without wasting time trying to “draw the drawing board.”

Sure, I took other classes in college. Yes, I was interested in other subjects. But sadly, I don’t remember all of my professors. Just the ones with a certain mystique.

Do you have any fond memories of teachers or college professors?

Be Careful Where You Put That Word!

Be careful with your word order; it could entirely change the meaning of what you’re saying.

Some words seem to be very easily misplaced. They slip in and out of sentences so stealthily that it’s hard to keep track of them. They are usually small, slippery words, like “all,” “not,” and “only.” Here are a couple of examples.

“Not all fats are bad” versus “All fats are not bad”

Look, there are two slippery words in there. The first sentence means that some fats are good and that you cannot lump (no pun intended) all fats into the same category. The second sentence means that all fats are good, or at least not bad.

“I only speak the truth” versus “I speak only the truth”

This first one gets me every time I listen to the Moulin Rouge soundtrack (it’s in the song “Hindi Sad Diamonds”).

The first one means “I do nothing but speak the truth,” which means that the speaker literally does nothing else. She does not eat, sleep or walk the dog. She only speaks the truth. I imagine she is some supernatural being with no physical presence but a mouth. The second means “I speak nothing but the truth. I tell no lies.”

These slippery words modify, limit or describe the words that come after them. When wondering where to put a slippery word, use a logical approach and ask yourself, “What concept (or word) does this word modify?” For instance, does “only” limit the action (“speak”) – am I only speaking and doing nothing else? Or does it limit that which is being spoken (“the truth”) – am I speaking anything else besides the truth?

And if all else fails and your head is in a jumble, start over and say it in a different way. What’s another way of saying “Not all fats” without using the word “not”? Answer: “Some fats.” Then, you can go with either “some fats are good” or “some fats are bad” and your sentence will be much clearer.

A Novel Idea (Even If You Don’t Have an Idea for a Novel)

Have you ever said, “Someday, I’m going to write a novel”? Well, and have you done it?

Yesterday, I began writing my novel. I will finish on November 30.

I am participating (again) in National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to write a 50,000-word novel between Nov. 1 and Nov. 30.

I hear you saying that’s crazy. But I’ve done it before. In 2009, I wrote my first novel. I did not publish my novel because when I finished it, I found it was so wretched that is wasn’t worth the time to revise it. But it might've been great!

The point of National Novel Writing Month is to write. You set yourself a goal of 50,000 words (or it’s set for you by the folks at the nonprofit Office of Letters and Light), and if you don’t want to be disappointed, or consider yourself a loser, then you finish it. It doesn’t matter if what you write is putrid, you just write. And when you finish, you can say “I wrote a novel.”

Now I hear you saying, “What’s the point?” Well, if you have “write a novel” on your bucket list, this is the best and quickest way to check it off. Especially if you tell everyone you’re going to do it, then join in the worldwide community of people on www.nanowrimo.org who are also doing it. Peer pressure, you know.

This event is also great if you seriously want to write a novel for possible publication but never seem to get around to it. In only 30 days, you’ll have a substantial amount of rough draft down on paper and then you can go back and revise it later. It’s a start!

If you like to write or you want to practice writing and get better at it, then participate in this event. You’ll be forced to write daily to meet your goal.

Plus, it’s just kind of fun.

Now, I must get back to my novel….

The Ghost of Halloween Costumes Past (With No Ghosts)



The Disclaimer: OK, so I'm relatively new at this blog platform, and I struggled with making the layout the way I wanted it. The blog platform won.

It’s easy to find a Halloween costume in a thrift store and cheaper than going to a Halloween store. The quality is usually better, too, because it’s real clothing and not a plastic garbage bag that’s trying to pass itself off as leather.


Here are some of my past thrift store costumes.



I found this uniform super-cheap, plus the vintage earrings (clip-ons – ouch!). My sister made the apron, the headpiece and the name tag (it says “Flo.”) I rounded the outfit out with a receipt pad and pen, pantyhose, sensible shoes, some bad eye shadow and lipstick, a piece of gum and an attitude, not all of which are visible in this photo.







This is a thrift store find from the same year as the following photo. Everything was so cheap, even on a teacher’s salary, that I could afford two costumes: one for the day and one for the evening (this is the evening). This jumpsuit doesn’t fit me terribly well (see those “long” sleeves that don’t come all the way down?), but hey, you work with what you’ve got. A little face makeup, some long necklaces and some funky shoes, and you’ve got a costume.







I wore this costume more than a decade ago; it’s a vintage dress. What makes me laugh now is that I was dressed as an old lady, but I look so darn young! (Hmmm… Maybe this year I should dress as a young lady.) This was another thrift store find and I think I borrowed the accessories, including the purse, shoes and glasses. I also have an old hat on with a sparse veil.

I was a high school teacher at the time of this photo, and I wore this to work. The kids got a real kick out of it.

It’s funny what you can find in a thrift store around Halloween. I’ve gone Halloween shopping in thrift stores and laughed so hard I cried. The shopping experience alone was worth the price of 20 movie tickets.

Happy Halloween!







Alternatives to “Good Luck”

The Disclaimer: See that bump in my cheek? It’s my tongue.

I recently went to a hardware store and told them my problem: the spout on my gas can fell down inside the can and now I can’t pour the gas out without it all running down the side of the can and pooling in a perilous flammable puddle. I asked if they had a replacement spout. The clerk’s answer was, “Good luck!”

Now, I’ve had a lot of people wish me good luck lately and I’m grateful for all of them. I sincerely appreciate their kindness and I wholly believe in their sincerity. Saying “good luck” to a person can be very encouraging and is perfectly acceptable. But consider the following scenarios.

A reality show host offers a friendly “Good luck to all of you,” before revealing which contestant is out of the competition. Since everyone participating knows that only one person will be the winner, doesn’t wishing them all good luck seem disingenuous, not to mention improbable?

A job seeker receives a rejection that ends with “Good luck in your job search.” The job seeker just received 235 other rejections the previous day. In each of them, of course, the “Good luck” part was preceded by “We don’t want you.” Guess which part has the more powerful message?

And finally, a rugged individualist and staunch realist who doesn’t believe in luck is told “Good luck!”For instance, in the movie The Abyss, when someone wishes her luck in a very difficult task, the character Lindsey Brigman replies, “Luck is not a factor.”

So, what to say instead?

When wishing someone success in a challenging venture, how about Tim Gunn’s “Make it work!” This allows the person to insert his or her own ingenuity into the process. The encouraging “Go for it!” or “Go get ‘em!” may be substituted for “Make it work!”

If you’re superstitious and in the theater, continue to use the traditional “Break a leg.” If you’re superstitious and not in the theater, how about, “Get scurvy!”

If you know the person will not be offended or uncomfortable if you offer a religious sentiment, you could say “God bless you,” or “Let Jesus take the wheel!”

If you’re a certain kind of nerd, you may want to stick with “May the Force be with you.” It’s both secular and multidenominational.

What other suggestions do you have?

Don't Abandon Quotation Marks

We are all familiar with the uses of quotation marks. Well, actually, that’s just wishful thinking on my part – plenty of people misuse them (see the “blog” of “unnecessary” quotation marks).

Those of us who are familiar with them know that, at least in America, they are used mainly for two reasons: to indicate irony, which is what people are unwittingly doing in the aforementioned blog, and to frame a quote in nonfiction or dialogue in fiction.

I’ve discovered lately that in fiction, quotation marks are being abandoned. I’ve read plenty of novels in the last couple of years – nay, too many – in which the characters’ dialogue is indicated not by quotation marks, but by italics, long dashes or no special typography at all.

It has confused me. Did that character just say something? Did he only think it? Is there more than one person talking? Or was it just description? Sometimes there isn’t even so much as a “he said.”

Have you noticed this? Please tell me you have. I feel like I’ve awakened in one of those science fiction stories in which everything has subtly changed and everyone acts as if everything is normal but they’ve really all been replaced by lookalike alien invaders. Am I being too paranoid here?

Why, I ask you, are publishers flouting the conventions of quotation marks? I imagine some brash young editor playing Angry Birds with one hand and using the other to rebelliously slash at quotation marks with a virtual red pen. “That’s how my grandmother did it and I’m so over it!” he/she grouses. “Rules shmules! These stupid quotation marks are so old school.”

I dread the day when books are riddled with some weird wingdings in place of perfectly useful punctuation. Hello, he said.Why, hello there, she replied exuberantly..

I’m all for progress, but why fix it if it isn’t broken? Punctuation isn’t fashion – you don’t just change it up every season to get people to buy more of it. Some may call me a purist, maybe with a bit of a sneer. But I don’t think I’m alone in this.

Hello?

A Wholly Unoriginal Post

Is there truly nothing new under the sun? Seth Godin says that the number of creators is rising; that is, for every 100 consumers, there is someone with a blog, a TV show, or a product of some kind. When the world is saturated with creators, are the creators just re-creating old creations?

We’ve all heard this complaint from movie critics: That movie was formulaic. This movie was just that movie warmed over. The sequel just copies the “original.”

Just how creative are most of the movies, books, works of art, brochures or ads you see? Is there a finite number of human experiences to draw from? Is it a lack of creativity or laziness? Are we more likely to stick to the familiar just because it’s familiar?

Have you read this before?