Drained by a Vampire Movie

I went to see Breaking Dawn Part I this weekend. I didn’t particularly care to, but a certain friend of mine loves the novels on which this movie is based, so I went with her. I enjoyed three things about the experience: the company of my friend, the chance to have a meal while sitting in the theater (we went to one of those theaters with table service), and the fact that I didn’t pay a thing for the movie ticket (through the clever use of rebate money). The movie itself was ridiculous.

I understood before going in that I was to see a long tableau of wedding arrangements, shots of “the dress,” the wedding itself, exotic location shots on the honeymoon, and an odd pregnancy and birth. (I thought that the plot would hold a few more key points than this, but alas, I was woefully wrong.) I thought that this movie was akin to looking at a mild acquaintance’s wedding album – the pictures are lovely, but I don’t know any of these people and I wasn’t there. I therefore have no real interest.

Besides that, I found some oddities in the movie that I couldn’t swallow. I can buy the idea that there is a family of Native Americans in this movie who can turn into wolves. But I can’t believe that this Native American wolf family has bred an Asian boy. One of the brothers in the pack looks clearly Asian. As an actor, he was competent, but he did not visually fit in.

There is also a scene in which the wolf pack gets together in wolf form to discuss the heroine, whose pregnancy, association by marriage to the vampire clan, and seemingly very existence seems to threaten them. I can’t fathom why. What’s it to them? Supposedly only one of them is in love with her, and that’s his personal problem. Anyway, they have this discussion in ominous, booming, echoing out-of-body dialogue, since wolves can’t actually speak in human. I guess the audience is meant to believe that we are listening in to their thoughts. It was ridiculous and cheesy, like a bad animated special.

The best part of the movie came when a little blood and gore showed up on the screen. And I do mean a little. For a vampire movie, this one was amazingly clean. (Maybe I should stop calling it a vampire movie and call it what it is: a preteen fantasy romance.) Anyway, whenever the spots of blood showed up, a long row of teen or preteen girls in the front of the theater regaled the audience with an outburst of “ewwwww!!!” This was even more amusing than the wolf telepathy scene.

Please don’t get me started on the social and feminist aspects of this movie and the books. I’m going to look at it strictly as entertainment. Sadly, as entertainment, it wasn’t terribly entertaining.

Don't Write Negatively

The disclaimer: I see from my previous blog post titles that I've not practiced what I'm about to preach. However, this blog post title is intended to be ironic.

You’ve heard the old adage: “Think positive.” (To which I might reply, ‘think positively,’ but that’s another blog.)

I’d like to extend that adage to “Write positively.”

Don’t is not a very powerful word. Case in point: When you’re teetering on the edge of a tall building (you know, as you do every week) and someone says, “Don’t look down,” what’s the first thing you do?

Another case in point: When you say to someone, “don’t laugh,” don’t they immediately and always let out a small chuckle before you’ve even told them that which is not supposed to be funny?

I learned in a child psychology class that you must give a child positive instructions rather than telling him what not to do. The child hears what you don’t want him to focus on and can’t shake it from his head. It’s suggestive. You say, “Don’t throw mashed potatoes at your sister,” and he hears “throw mashed potatoes at your sister.” Then you’re shocked to find him minutes later, throwing mashed potatoes at his sister.

The same goes for adults. You must plant the suggestion of what you want a person to do, not what you don’t want them to do.

In advertising, “Don’t wait!” becomes “Hurry in!”

In billing, “Please do not send cash” becomes “Please enclose a check or credit card information.”

Perhaps you can get away with including something negative if it’s followed by a positive: “Don’t let these poor animals suffer any longer. Please donate.” In this case, you’re implanting the negative in the audience’s mind in order to arouse feelings of sympathy and philanthropy, and then you’re giving them a way to counteract the negative and feel better.

What do you think? Do you respond as well to statements that use “don’t” as you do to positive statements?

The Things You Remember From College

I don’t know why I got all nostalgic, but the other day I got to remembering a certain college professor of mine – John Weihaupt. I took his classes in oceanography and astrogeology (the geology of the planets and moons), and admired the heck out of him. I even asked him to be my advisor on an independent study.

He had led research expeditions all around the world, making important discoveries, and sometimes he told us rousing stories about them. He was like Indiana Jones. Seriously, I sat in the front row with a core group of fellow fans for every class. We practically had “love you” stenciled on our eyelids.

He could draw a perfect circle on the chalkboard with two swift swipes. He could also chalk in a perfect map of the world in seconds, while the rest of us struggled to outline Africa in our notes (this was in that recent dark age of pen and paper). It got so that he had to draw up a map on paper and distribute copies of it so we could take down the important information, like the location of the Marianas Trench, without wasting time trying to “draw the drawing board.”

Sure, I took other classes in college. Yes, I was interested in other subjects. But sadly, I don’t remember all of my professors. Just the ones with a certain mystique.

Do you have any fond memories of teachers or college professors?

Be Careful Where You Put That Word!

Be careful with your word order; it could entirely change the meaning of what you’re saying.

Some words seem to be very easily misplaced. They slip in and out of sentences so stealthily that it’s hard to keep track of them. They are usually small, slippery words, like “all,” “not,” and “only.” Here are a couple of examples.

“Not all fats are bad” versus “All fats are not bad”

Look, there are two slippery words in there. The first sentence means that some fats are good and that you cannot lump (no pun intended) all fats into the same category. The second sentence means that all fats are good, or at least not bad.

“I only speak the truth” versus “I speak only the truth”

This first one gets me every time I listen to the Moulin Rouge soundtrack (it’s in the song “Hindi Sad Diamonds”).

The first one means “I do nothing but speak the truth,” which means that the speaker literally does nothing else. She does not eat, sleep or walk the dog. She only speaks the truth. I imagine she is some supernatural being with no physical presence but a mouth. The second means “I speak nothing but the truth. I tell no lies.”

These slippery words modify, limit or describe the words that come after them. When wondering where to put a slippery word, use a logical approach and ask yourself, “What concept (or word) does this word modify?” For instance, does “only” limit the action (“speak”) – am I only speaking and doing nothing else? Or does it limit that which is being spoken (“the truth”) – am I speaking anything else besides the truth?

And if all else fails and your head is in a jumble, start over and say it in a different way. What’s another way of saying “Not all fats” without using the word “not”? Answer: “Some fats.” Then, you can go with either “some fats are good” or “some fats are bad” and your sentence will be much clearer.

A Novel Idea (Even If You Don’t Have an Idea for a Novel)

Have you ever said, “Someday, I’m going to write a novel”? Well, and have you done it?

Yesterday, I began writing my novel. I will finish on November 30.

I am participating (again) in National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to write a 50,000-word novel between Nov. 1 and Nov. 30.

I hear you saying that’s crazy. But I’ve done it before. In 2009, I wrote my first novel. I did not publish my novel because when I finished it, I found it was so wretched that is wasn’t worth the time to revise it. But it might've been great!

The point of National Novel Writing Month is to write. You set yourself a goal of 50,000 words (or it’s set for you by the folks at the nonprofit Office of Letters and Light), and if you don’t want to be disappointed, or consider yourself a loser, then you finish it. It doesn’t matter if what you write is putrid, you just write. And when you finish, you can say “I wrote a novel.”

Now I hear you saying, “What’s the point?” Well, if you have “write a novel” on your bucket list, this is the best and quickest way to check it off. Especially if you tell everyone you’re going to do it, then join in the worldwide community of people on www.nanowrimo.org who are also doing it. Peer pressure, you know.

This event is also great if you seriously want to write a novel for possible publication but never seem to get around to it. In only 30 days, you’ll have a substantial amount of rough draft down on paper and then you can go back and revise it later. It’s a start!

If you like to write or you want to practice writing and get better at it, then participate in this event. You’ll be forced to write daily to meet your goal.

Plus, it’s just kind of fun.

Now, I must get back to my novel….